why i love Him

It's been almost a month since the terrorist attacks here in Moscow. The world has moved on and news coverage has stopped and now covers some other bombing in some other nation. I woke up that morning (still out sick from school) to news about the bombing. All over the internet were articles from all over the world reporting on what had just happened in the city where I live. It didn't seem real. But in a way, it wasn't surprising. It's the world we live in now. As much as governments want to "crack down on terrorism" it doesn't seem to be getting better but the opposite. But I have thought about it before. While on the metro, I've pictured someone getting on and having a bomb or a gun. I've thought about what I would do. Would I hide behind someone or would I be the one to protect someone else? Would I even be able to help the homeless man that was sleeping next to me? Or would I hide behind the woman that just gave me a dirty look? It's strange to get on the metro in such a big city. Millions of people take the metro every day. I have seen SO many people that I will never see again. I will never see those people again. We shared a 5 minute ride standing shoulder to shoulder, or in some more awkward rush hour situations, face to face. We share 5 minutes together and that's it. It's such a strange thing for me, coming from such a small town. But just because their life has little impact on mine, it does not mean that their life is not important. I look at the skinny Russian woman with expensive clothes, impossibly high heels, and stone cold face and I am amazed that God knows this woman even though I will never know her and loves this woman even though I don't. I am almost overwhelmed by the unknown that I come across here. I watch the old man slowly walk past the Starbucks window, glancing in for just a second. What is his story? Is he walking home to see his wife? What sorts of amazing stories does he have to tell that someone may never hear? Does he know that the Lord loves him? The young man standing by the street repeatedly checking his phone...is he waiting for someone? Is the girl he likes standing him up? Is he sad? Does HE know that the Lord loves him? I honestly want to know their stories. I want to know about their lives. Dozens of these people that I don't know died that morning. It's somewhat horrible that in today's world, a bombing that kills only dozens isn't that bad. Now thousands, that would have been bad. The news would not have moved on quite so quickly and the world would have grieved a little longer. But even then, life must go on, right? Tell that to the mother of a young man killed on the platform at 8:00 that morning. Why was he killed when he had nothing to do with the anger of the woman with a bomb strapped to her? Why was the woman so angry in the first place? I'm not going to pretend that I have the answer to these questions. I don't know why people think killing themselves and killing others will make a government change it's mind or policies. I don't understand.
Recently someone asked me why I decided live here and to come back next year. I couldn't really say why. We started talking about Russia in general. He said something like, there is no real hope here and he didn't see much hope in the future. I actually agreed with him at the time. Later, I was thinking about it and I couldn't disagree more. How could I say that a place has no hope?? How could I possibly know what the future holds? As dark and corrupt as Russia can appear at times, God is still in control. No matter who the President or Prime Minister may be, God is still in control. Proverbs 21:1 says that the heart of a king is in the hand of the Lord. God controls the king and controls that nation. Like the song by Chris Tomlin says, "You're the God of this city. You're the king of these people. You're the Lord of this nation." God is still at work in Russia. He is at work in the lives of the people that I walk past every day. He is at work in the life of the man sitting alone at the table next to me. The thought of this simply AMAZES me. Millions of people that God is working on. Millions of people that He loves and knows everything about. He knows when they sit and when they rise. He knit them in their mother's womb. They were all fearfully and wonderfully made each with their own specific purpose. (Psalm 139). Whether or not they love Him back or choose to acknowledge His existence, He loves them like no one else in their lives can ever love them. So as long as God is still God, there is always hope. I love God for that. I love God not because I'm told to or because I need some sort of made up comfort or made up sense of security. So why do I love Him? I love Him because He first loved me. I love Him because He loves the old man resting on his cane outside. I love Him because He loves the drunk man walking down the sidewalk whom everyone ignores. I love Him because He's real and I can feel Him. I love him because He loves you. That's why I love Him.

i've been avoiding you all...

For some strange reason I've been seriously avoiding my blog. No real reason other than I always feel like I have so much to say and it is difficult to sit down and say it all. There are 2 big topics that I would like to discuss here today. The first being my trip to Egypt. (the good news) The second being the bad news..the multiple bombings that have happened this week in Russia. Let start with the good news.

So I went to Egypt! It was absolutely amazing. For the weeks leading up to our Spring Break, there was a lot of confusion about whether we could even go or not. We heard from our school that foreign teachers would not be allowed out of the country and then let back in. So if we did go, we return and then be deported within three days. So...that's bad. I felt like the school wasn't being honest with us. There should be NO reason why we couldn't travel because we all have multi-entry visas. I started looking into it and asking around. A few of us contacted the US embassy (after my dad's advice) and they said that they would see what they could find out. After many unreturned phonecalls, the embassy told us that they had no idea why the school would say that. Finally, on the Wednesday before we were supposed to leave, some of us went to the president of the school to see if we could work this thing out. They said that they talked with Federal Migration Services and decided that we could go. I have no idea why they waited so long to tell us. We still don't really understand the reason behind it but we didn't really care...we were going to Egypt in 3 days!

Cairo was an absolute culture shock. It really was. It was surprisingly uncomfortable for me at first. I was used to blending in here in Moscow, where everyone leaves you alone. It was a little hard for me to adjust to the change in culture. Cairo is just as busy as Moscow...just a different kind of busy. It was the kind of busy that is chaotic and lively. Moscow's busy is structured and business-like. Once I adjusted, I was in love. I loved the city and I loved the busy. Things that we saw were: Coptic Cairo, The Citadel, The Pyramids, the History Museum, The Bazaar, The Nile, a beautiful park called Al Azhar Park and Erik Stapleton. For those of you who don't know Erik, he is a friend from my church back home. Erik is living in Cairo right now. Well not right now at this very second. I think he's somewhere is Israel right now. But he is studying there now and we had the opportunity to meet up to enjoy some Egyptian music. My friends and I found the MESP villa and got to watch some dancing and drumming. Then later that night we went with Erik to a jazz concert under a bridge on the Nile. There is a picture of us both by the Nile. The concert was so great. It was also a nice break from all the sightseeing that we had subjected ourselves to in the previous 48 hours. It was great to see someone from home and it actually made me a little homesick. But i'm fine now, don't worry. :)

Then we traveled to Dahab. This was amazing as well. We rented a small beach house right on the Red Sea. It was beautiful! Dahab is a really relaxed place where the people are very hospitable. The first night that we were there, we arranged for a car to come at midnight to take us to Mt. Sinai! We got there at about 2am and started climbing at about 2:30am. I, of course, was the straggler at the back of our pack of about 7 people. It was SO hard. Many thanks to my friend Rick for carrying my backpack. At one point I was so tired and frustrated that I wanted to cry. But I had to keep thinking...it will be worth it. And besides, Moses did it (multiple times) and he was like 90 or something! One conversation on the way up ended with the conclusion that Moses must have had some "mad glutes". Seriously guys. So...we made it to the top with time to spare before the sunrise. And I can't even explain the sunrise. It was gorgeous. My pictures don't do it justice. The climb down was also hard. My legs were so shaky and I was afraid that I was going to topple over and take some innocent Chinese tourist with me on my way down. I did fall but it wasn't quite so disasterous. I'm not sure exactly how I fell, just all of the sudden I was headed towards the ground in front of me. I had my camera in my hands so I just turned and plopped on my back and slid a little ways. A little embarrassing but not disasterous.

The rest of Dahab consisted of sun and wandering. Let me explain the wandering. So on our last day in Dahab we all decided to walk a ways down the coast to the sandy beach and finally go snorkeling. I thought it would be fun to rent a bike and ride it down the boardwalk. My friends went on as I rented my bike. I thought for sure that I would see them in a few minutes. So I hopped on the bike and never saw my friends. There was only one way to go to the beach and I never saw them. Turns out they stopped in a store at the exact time that I rode past. So I rode all the way to the end of the boardwalk and past it to the sandy beach. I waited and sat there and didn't know what to do. I didn't want them worrying about me so I decided to backtrack and maybe I would see them. This was a miserable failure. Backtracking meant riding into the strong Dahab-ian wind, on a sandy road with a bike whose chain kept slipping. I couldn't even ride the bike and ended up walking it most of the way back. I thought, "This is really the story of my life. Of course, I would be the one to think that renting a broken bike would be a good idea and then I would lose my friends on my last day of vacation. Great." I took the bike back and sat down at a cafe. I knew the man working there and he asked me where my friends were. He kept a lookout for me while I sat in the sun praying that my friends were having fun and not looking for me. I didn't want to ruin their last day just because we lost each other. So I didn't go snorkeling or swimming because I'm not so good with oceans and seas and I couldn't go alone. Besides, I didn't want my friends to come walking up after looking everywhere for me, and here I am, snorkeling away having a good ol' time. So I decided to go back to the house. As I walked, I thought of Charlie Brown. I thought of him walking, sadly with his head hanging like he does when he's lost his friends. I was Charlie Brown. But it didn't turn out bad. I finished my book, To Kill a Mockingbird, which was amazing. My friends also found me after my new friend at the cafe told them that I walked home. We had dinner that night at Ali Baba and packed our bags for Moscow.

Now here I am back in Moscow sitting at a Starbucks 4 metro stops from my apartment. The same metro system that was attacked by terrorists a few days ago and the same metro that I will get back onto to go to my doctor's appointment soon. I think my thoughts on this will have to wait until later. I don't have enough time right now. But I will say that life in Moscow carries on. Bad things happen but the world keeps turning and I must not live in fear of something that may or may not happen. Thanks for your time and thank you even more for your thoughts and prayers. Pray for Russia and it's people and for the Lord to be with us all.

If you would like to see all my Egypt pictures go here -> http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2035354&id=79801790&l=1d89bc6aea